Wisdom from The Fairies and Me

Posts tagged ‘struggle on a spiritual path’

Welcome to the Apocalypse

The word “apocalypse” does not mean the end of the world. The true definition, from its Greek counterpart, is something that has been hidden being revealed. It means a revelation of truth. We are definitely in those times. Those end times. The times when that which has been hidden is being; revealed, underlined, highlighted and marked with a star. Denial is no longer an option. Some people need to leave this planet or this reality to join with the truth. Some people just need to face it and acknowledge it. It seems to me that the keys to our expansion are being handed to us right now. I had a BIG revelation this last weekend as did several of my friends and family. The ideas, relationships, feelings, etc., that had been the proverbial brick wall that we were banging our heads against suddenly became very clear. Instead of beating our brains against it, we were able to step back and look at clearly, as if for the first time. Sometimes clarity can be like a gentle sigh of relief that allows the ropes tied around you to fall away and at others it is the white hot intensity of a million suns melting away the chains you have bound yourself in. Either way the clarity sets you free. It allows you to see where you have punished yourself, shamed yourself, and blamed yourself (or those around you, or the universe). The clarity can feel like it is about other people, events of the past, or the situation we are in, but it is really about how we have lied to ourselves.

The last three months I had been in what felt like a downward spiral. I had lost confidence in myself and my abilities. I had doubt about what I had been doing or where I was “going” in life. I told my husband that I felt like I had spent the last 20 years building Stonehenge by myself. I had been carrying these huge blocks to the right place, carving them, and shaping them and setting them. People would come by and look in awe and say, “Wow that is really amazing. You are doing something really profound.” and then they walk away. I was thinking why the FUCK am I doing this! Is this really doing anything for anybody? More importantly is this really doing anything for me but causing me pain and wearing me out? We all have these dark moments when we need to question what and why we do what we do. It led me to a big “A Ha!” that was actually a few “aha”s put together.  The core of it is this. We are magic. I am magic. You are magic. We have to face our denial and fears so we can let them go and focus back on the magic of who we are. I kept trying to protect those I love from the world. If you asked me I would tell you that I felt safe and on a certain level that was true. I as a singular person felt safe and trusted the Universe to take care of me. I did not trust that those I love would be safe. Some how they needed me to protect them. How arrogant am I? I was interfering with other people’s paths for what I thought was best for them. I thought that I had to take care of them because I couldn’t trust that they were safe in the world. This includes various family members, friends, my husband, and my children. When I clearly got it I saw why I felt so alone. I had not let others in to help. I also had not given myself the space to fall deeper into my “work” by distracting myself with taking care of everyone else. The reason I was losing confidence was because I let others set my standards of success. Also I had ideas about what results I should be getting or how others should be “healing” from my actions with them and it was not manifesting that way. We manifest from what we need. I needed to see how I was interfering with others’ paths to avoid mine.

As we see all that is being revealed, be it personal or global, I hope your clarity feels more like a sigh of relief and you are able to celebrate your new freedom. For inspiration I suggest listening to “I’m Free” by The Soupdragons.

A Little Reminder

Many people start a powerful spiritual path with the idea that everything is now going to be pleasant. That because you are co-creating with God, talking to your guides, choosing the deeper spiritual way that it is smooth sailing from here on out. That the Fairies are going to magic away all of your problems. Then when things aren’t that way they feel like something is going wrong. The path is different for everyone but it seems that everyone has their moments of struggle, of feeling lost, and of doubt. One night when pondering this I wrote the following:

 

I stumble on this path I walk.

Feeling frustrated, broke, lost alone, and tricked again.

I know there is a plan. I created it so long ago,

That I can’t remember the purpose my friend and I had.

I smile at the thought of the moment when it reveals itself like a sudden crash.

It is the bolt of light that illuminates all for an instant.

I have had those blinding moments before.

They are what keep me chasing this storm;

This storm that shakes the old foundations.

This storm that pours refreshing waters almost painfully down on all.

When I feel like it is too hard, wet, and dark; I hear that rumble.

I feel it in my toes and I know the flash is coming.

Then that blinding light hits my soul.

I burst with laughter, reminded of the beauty, and feeling the love for all.

Including the stumbling, broke, lost, and bitter person I am at times.

 

I tell you this to give you hope. If you have times that you want to give up. If you think you have lost faith or don’t believe anymore. It’s okay and it’s normal. Let yourself feel these feelings. It means you are getting to the bottom of your resistance. It means you are close to another break through and you need to get broken down to surrender. Just know that you will then have an amazing experience very soon that will confirm everything for you. We are human beings with lots of feelings. These feelings help us navigate our paths.

The concept of a spiritual path is one that I think gets taken too literally. This is not a path from point A to point B. It is a way to experience life. We are not going anywhere on our spiritual paths. There is nothing to obtain. It seems to me that many keep looking for where “the path” is taking them. It’s like they are expecting some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The path is about stability. A spiritual path, no matter what it is, is the support you turn to, the beliefs that create your life, the magic you can connect with to remind you of the larger whole, and where you receive your guidance day to day. It is about moving through your experiences with grace not achieving something. It is about moving through your emotions to feel with clarity. Stop looking for happiness, success, and love. Stop looking for the new instructions to “lead you in the right direction”. Just be happy. Just be a success. Just be love. Stop “following a spiritual path” and instead feel, hear, see, taste, smell, and be your path.

I LOVE Myself

I am a recovering alcoholic. Today, October 22, 2012 I have 15 years sober. Part of being a recovering alcoholic is that you continue to take moral inventory of yourself and your life. This last week I have spent a lot of time reflecting about my past. I am so grateful for my life today and how amazing it is. I am often humbled by the experiences I have had. I have often said it is my ego that took me on my downward spiral and it was humility that brought me back. I work very hard to not allow myself to fall into my ego including the magic I experience on my spiritual path and in my spiritual work. Then I had a revelation, maybe I do this too much.

I have felt that I love myself and have done a lot of work around self love over the years. I can look in the mirror and say “I love you.” I feel like I am a good person and in general feel good about myself. I use to hate myself. There was a time when I wanted to kill myself. There were days when I could not look at myself in the mirror. Those days are behind me and I have made great improvement. I realized that, though I have improved by leaps and bounds since then, I have kind of hit a plateau. I got myself to a baseline of self-love. I can see the Divine in me. I can love who I am. I hold it right there. I don’t take in the gratitude and love and support of those around me. I don’t allow myself to see myself through the eyes of all of those around me. I do this for two reasons.

The first reason is the ego issue. My ego will tell me I know better then God or anyone else and convince me to make horrible choices, so I resist it. I also resist pride and in turn my confidence is shaky. When someone experiences a great healing session, or is moved by the words from The Fairies, I don’t take any ownership. I am just the vessel. What I forget is that the vessel is a part of the whole experience. Any caterer can tell you that what you serve the food in can greatly impact how the food tastes. How something is presented effects how people take it in. I am a part of the experience and yet I negate my part.

The second reason is that I have given my power away to others and they have not validated my goodness. Over the years I have let the opinions of family members or friends judge me. For one reason or another I thought that they knew more then me, or had a clearer picture of me, and would let their opinion matter most. I have been dismantling this, especially this last year. Sometimes I have a thought about myself and I have to ask myself if it is my own thought or one that I adapted from another. The really odd thing is I could have dozens of people telling me how great I am but a negative comment from someone I gave my power to would have ten times more weight. Why? Because I had already made the choice that they held the power.

I have made the decision to take my power back and be proud of whom I am. I will take in the compliments, when they come, as truth for me to hold. I will receive with gratitude the love and support from others and the universe. Most of all I will honor my part in all of this creation that is my life. I will no longer love myself at the bare minimum afraid of my ego. I will embrace my magnificence and rise above the petty thoughts of others. I hope that all of you will join me and we can sparkle with the stars together.

Strive to be Worth Knowing

I have been feeling a little defeated the last couple of days. Even though the last few months have been the busiest in years, this week has been/is completely dead. Couple this with my husband’s other business being almost completely dead and you get me in money worry and stress. It never fails. Even though I know I am always supported and provided for, I still worry and stress. Then while on Facebook today I started noticing I was not the only one. Many people I know and think are brilliant or talented or wonderful people were expressing their feelings of defeat, or despair, or apathy. I started wondering if everyone had lost their passion. Was there a cosmic joke being played out for all of us to see? Then I started thinking about my fortune cookie last night. It said “Do not worry about being known, strive to be someone worth knowing.” I think too often we worry about how much money or fame or recognition we are getting as a way of measuring our self-worth or success. When I find myself living in my head and feeling this way I do two things. The first is to make a gratitude list. I list all the things I am grateful for in my life. My wonderful family, healthy kids, and even things like internet connection and heat in my house. No matter what there is plenty to be grateful for in every life. The second is reminding myself I don’t know nor have control over the future. I believe in CO-creation. The CO is an important piece. I can shift my feelings, my thoughts, and my vision, but I have to let God, The Fairies, and any other powers that be do their part. So if you are feeling defeated, lost, or passionless listen to what The Fairies told me. “Life will not always be ideal. There will be times when you feel like none of it is worth it anymore. The magic never leaves you. It sometimes pulls away a bit as it builds and then something amazing will happen. This magic that has been building will create a powerful miracle and you will have clarity for a moment. Then you will know where to step next and things will flow again.” – The Fairies

A Talk with Grandmother Spider by Ryan Saenz

I found myself standing by the tree of knowledge on the hill in the meadow of my quiet place. The lush green fields spread down to a tranquil stream that bordered a forest. This is my place. I take in a deep breath when she walked up to me from around the tree. Grandmother Spider smiled softly at me as she approached me in her latest form as a tall slender elderly woman. Her solid black eyes were larger than normal, with eyebrows made of three smaller eyes.

“Why do you fight this change?” She asked, her hands folded calmly together.

“Because I fear the unknown.” I replied.

“But you didn’t fear me when I arrived before you as a giant spider.” A scene of when we first met flashed in my mind.

“That was because we are one. Our essence is the same.”

“If we are one. We are the same essence. You should understand how we are also the divine. We are the both the dream and the dreamer. Connecting and Creating to the whole. The web of abundance is also the web of the divine. The web of the whole.” She brushed her hand through her silky grey hair, looking at the meadow.

“Connection to the whole? If I am connected to the whole, how do I activate it? So that I may accept and know what it offers?” I said in a mixture of confusion and frustration.

“You see connection and activation as separate my child.” She stretched out her hand and touched my cheek gently, “Only ask. Send out the vibrations of hope, love, and faith. We will answer your request and prayers. Ask, know, and feel. It will come.”

Grandmother Spider offered her hand to me, as I took it, she pulled me gently down as she continued to speak, “So many times I speak to you and others, so often how it falls on deaf ears. First we must quiet your mind, and reconnect you to the world around you. Sit.”

I sat next to her, feeling the cool grass beneath me.

“Look around your, see the clouds, feel the breeze? Place your palm on the earth, and close your eyes. Feel the pulse of the ground as you touch it. Like the strings of a musical instrument, so are the vibrations of the earth, this is the web I speak of.” She gestures out to the field, “This is what you connect to when you need to ask us.”

Placing my hand on the floor of the earth, I feel a rhythmic pulse. A vibration like a hand on a drum head as it is struck steadily. Soon the blades of grass start tickling my hand as they vibrate, and soon I can feel the world around.“Feel the ripple of energy and follow it. Feel it pulse not just away to everything but through you, know and feel how it is a part of you as you are a part of it. Things are changing, as they always are. The world is constantly in motion to this rhythm you feel beneath your hands and in your body. Currently there are big motions set in place. The people of the world want to move this world’s vibration into one of better harmony, or a different frequency, we’re not just talking a simple perspective shift, but a total paradigm change. We are moving and preparing for the third great change. People need to know that this shift is working. That we are moving from a place of fear and pain, to a place of unity and love. In America you are seeing it as the Occupy movement. One voice becomes a hundred. One ideal becomes a movement. This is the change that is being evoked in our hearts. We as a whole are ready to start moving to love. This change is happening elsewhere in different ways, and different levels. All over the world people are starting to say, we are one. We are all connected, we are the whole.”

Looking up as she is talking, I see the sky light up with thousands of stars separated at first. As she continued to talk they split, one becoming two then 4 then more and more, until eventually the sky is filled with millions of tiny balls of light. They almost made the sky look like a white screen of light. One of the lights flew toward me, and as it got closer I realize it was a glowing dragonfly. It looks at me and says

“Remember me. I am the beacon of light. I am what we need in everyone, but only need for one to embrace me. Light up and they will follow. Connect to the whole.”

Change Your Perspective

In the midst of the recent prophecies and changes (read last week’s blog for more info on this) I am came to a great realization. I was experiencing things from my old perspective that I was no longer aligned with. To get to the beliefs and issues under the current experiences I needed to change my perspective. I find myself since then giving the same speech to every client, friend, and family member. So I have fined tuned it for you.

This week and the challenges you are facing, the experiences you are having, and the feelings you are moving through all have the same purpose; to clean up the details so you can move forward into the powerful reality of 2012 and your path. Many feel like they are once again facing things that they thought they had “moved past” or “healed”. Do not be fooled. These are not the same experiences though they are bringing up the same feelings. Do not look to what you have moved through or learned already. Change your perspective to a different angle. This is the dangling thread that you need to cut to truly move forward. Feel your way through the experience. What do you feel forced to do? What do you believe blocks you? Where is the power? These questions will lead you to the answer of what you need to shift in you to let go.

Last night a friend asked me if the world was coming to an end. The answer is yes, but just the old ways of being in the world. The old ways of experiencing each other. The old ways of thinking about ourselves. So yes the world is coming to an end but just the world as we know it. And I feel fine…..

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com

Prophecies and Changes

As we head through the Fall equinox we are also approaching some interesting times of prophecy. One is the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012. I believe the 2012 shift, often based on the Mayan Calendar, is about we, as a society, moving out of fear and greed into a more love based society. I think we have been in this process and the peak of it is the year 2012. There is a Hopi prophecy about four astral bodies causing amazing shifts on our planet. A comet that is being tracked by NASA meets the description of some of this prophecy. The first time we came into alignment with this comet was the day before the Japan earthquake/tsunami. The next time we come into alignment will be Monday. Of course there are many predictions of huge earthquakes and the such, but I don’t want to talk about the fear. I want to share some of my recent experiences, what the fairies have to say, and my insight so far.

The last couple months I have been personally experiencing what I describe as inner upheaval. It is like my guides have decided that I need to move forward now and fast. The monthly messages have been about honesty, releasing, and basically being stripped down another layer to the authentic self. I have been experiencing this in multiple ways. The universe brought me multiple opportunities to see, hear, and feel the places in my relationships where I was not living in my integrity. My biggest lesson in this life seems to be that I need to stop taking responsibility for those around me and focus on what I need to. I can make plenty of excuses of how people need me, can’t do it alone, or have no one else, but that is all a lie. Everyone is as capable as me to take care of themselves. It is my ego wanting to be stroked or my fear that clings to these notions. So, once again I have to shift my focus to myself and my path and draw some boundaries and let go of roles I have played. Some of these have been more difficult then others and I am still in the process. Along with this revelation I was brought another one. It is time for me to focus more on and really claim my channeling work. I have resisted being a channel from the beginning. I love to talk to the Fairies and share their information through writing or in a reading with someone but not in the way of being a direct channel. In 2005 I had the Fairies come and tell me it was time to allow them to speak through me and I have fought it tooth and nail every step of the way. I have done the channeling often since then, but I slow it down and don’t claim it and only really allow it in a certain connection. Well, it is time to surrender and allow them to deepen this connection. After getting myself physically ill and injured, I finally decided to face what I had been running from. I am a Fairy Channeler.

I am sharing all this with you to illustrate what this time of prophecy and change is about. It is time for all of us to step forward and deepen our path. It is time for all of us to peel away another layer towards our authentic self. It is time for Humanity to surrender to the energy that we are a part of. No matter what you do, how you fight it, or what denial you are in, you will still be dragged along. I suggest we all stop fighting. We are here on this Earth in this timeline for a purpose. That purpose is being revealed to us now.

The Fairies wanted me to share this from them. “We are here. Call on us when you feel alone. Call on us when you feel stuck. Call on us when you think you have no hope. We will bring you solutions. We will bring you clarity. We will bring you miracles. They may not be what you think they should look like or what you think you want, but they are exactly what you need. They will fulfill you more then any daydream could. You are safe to step forward and it is time.” – The Fairies

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com