Wisdom from The Fairies and Me

Posts tagged ‘family of origin’

Reclaiming Self

I started noticing a trend in the sessions I was doing and conversations I was having with family and friends this last week. There seemed to be this energy that was making everyone face old family dynamics, that before they had just accepted, and realize it was time to change them. It seemed like every day I was talking about creating new boundaries in old relationships and changing old “knee jerk” reactions to something from a more aware perspective. A lot of these also had the power of secrets and shame tied up in them. The ultimate shift seems to come from a space of reclaiming a sense of self and being able to stand strong in one ’s self. Since this seems to be an overwhelming universal energy that is present right now I thought I would share some insights from these sessions and conversations.

The family of origin (our original family dynamic) is the base for our experiences of relationships to others, safety, God and the world. So when our experience in this original dynamic has abuse, terror, deep grief, abandonment, neglect, or any other horror that you can think of, we take that in as part of our reality tunnel (the filter in which we view the world from).We then recreate similar experiences in our life because of this trauma that we are carrying.  It isn’t until we ourselves acknowledge and then have another person acknowledge this trauma that we can free ourselves from this re-creating cycle. The problem is that in this healing experience many find the need to cut themselves off from their family to regain their sense of self. This leads to a need to find a new “family” support system and a need to face secrets and shame that have been weighing us down.

We humans need other human interaction scientifically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not talking about a co-dependent need or a feeling of trying to fill ourselves with what we think we lack. I am saying that we as conscious beings use these interactions to grow and feed ourselves on many levels. We are part of an ecosystem called Humanity and to behave as if we are not is detrimental to a person. This need for others is usually fulfilled by tribe which is usually our family. We have been almost brainwashed into the idea that family will love and support us no matter what, even when our experience would be counter to that. So to cut ourselves off from our family of origin, even part of it, can feel detrimental. In some ways it is. It can become a rejection of self, and a way to isolate to protect ourselves. Now I am not endorsing staying in abusive relationships nor am I saying to cut off all of your family. I believe that what a person who is going through this experience needs is support. One of the biggest hurdles to finding support is facing and admitting our secrets and shame.

I cannot tell you how many times people are shocked when I do not react in judgment as they reveal their deepest and darkest secrets. I also cannot explain what is to see all the shame they have been carrying around for decades start to disappear. We all walk around holding secrets and stories that we are sure will lead to instant rejection if we were to tell anyone. So we carry this pain, scared that someone will discover it, and waste energy and time covering it up. The truth is we all have things that have caused us shame. If we could just be brave enough to share it with someone else then we start the healing. Every time someone has been brave enough with me to share, it just endears them to me more. This is a true reclaiming of self. It is these parts that we reject and in turn give others power over us. When the secret becomes more important then your peace, you have lost yourself.

I started this blog by reflecting on this month’s message from The Fairies. It was all about honesty. They said that this month was about being honest with ourselves and others and how difficult that can be. Their closing is perfect for the closing of this blog. “Be ready to rip off the bandages and reveal all the healing and open wounds. See clearly, feel completely, and love it all.” – The Fairies

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com