Wisdom from The Fairies and Me

Posts tagged ‘family dynamic’

Welcome to the Apocalypse

The word “apocalypse” does not mean the end of the world. The true definition, from its Greek counterpart, is something that has been hidden being revealed. It means a revelation of truth. We are definitely in those times. Those end times. The times when that which has been hidden is being; revealed, underlined, highlighted and marked with a star. Denial is no longer an option. Some people need to leave this planet or this reality to join with the truth. Some people just need to face it and acknowledge it. It seems to me that the keys to our expansion are being handed to us right now. I had a BIG revelation this last weekend as did several of my friends and family. The ideas, relationships, feelings, etc., that had been the proverbial brick wall that we were banging our heads against suddenly became very clear. Instead of beating our brains against it, we were able to step back and look at clearly, as if for the first time. Sometimes clarity can be like a gentle sigh of relief that allows the ropes tied around you to fall away and at others it is the white hot intensity of a million suns melting away the chains you have bound yourself in. Either way the clarity sets you free. It allows you to see where you have punished yourself, shamed yourself, and blamed yourself (or those around you, or the universe). The clarity can feel like it is about other people, events of the past, or the situation we are in, but it is really about how we have lied to ourselves.

The last three months I had been in what felt like a downward spiral. I had lost confidence in myself and my abilities. I had doubt about what I had been doing or where I was “going” in life. I told my husband that I felt like I had spent the last 20 years building Stonehenge by myself. I had been carrying these huge blocks to the right place, carving them, and shaping them and setting them. People would come by and look in awe and say, “Wow that is really amazing. You are doing something really profound.” and then they walk away. I was thinking why the FUCK am I doing this! Is this really doing anything for anybody? More importantly is this really doing anything for me but causing me pain and wearing me out? We all have these dark moments when we need to question what and why we do what we do. It led me to a big “A Ha!” that was actually a few “aha”s put together.  The core of it is this. We are magic. I am magic. You are magic. We have to face our denial and fears so we can let them go and focus back on the magic of who we are. I kept trying to protect those I love from the world. If you asked me I would tell you that I felt safe and on a certain level that was true. I as a singular person felt safe and trusted the Universe to take care of me. I did not trust that those I love would be safe. Some how they needed me to protect them. How arrogant am I? I was interfering with other people’s paths for what I thought was best for them. I thought that I had to take care of them because I couldn’t trust that they were safe in the world. This includes various family members, friends, my husband, and my children. When I clearly got it I saw why I felt so alone. I had not let others in to help. I also had not given myself the space to fall deeper into my “work” by distracting myself with taking care of everyone else. The reason I was losing confidence was because I let others set my standards of success. Also I had ideas about what results I should be getting or how others should be “healing” from my actions with them and it was not manifesting that way. We manifest from what we need. I needed to see how I was interfering with others’ paths to avoid mine.

As we see all that is being revealed, be it personal or global, I hope your clarity feels more like a sigh of relief and you are able to celebrate your new freedom. For inspiration I suggest listening to “I’m Free” by The Soupdragons.

I LOVE Myself

I am a recovering alcoholic. Today, October 22, 2012 I have 15 years sober. Part of being a recovering alcoholic is that you continue to take moral inventory of yourself and your life. This last week I have spent a lot of time reflecting about my past. I am so grateful for my life today and how amazing it is. I am often humbled by the experiences I have had. I have often said it is my ego that took me on my downward spiral and it was humility that brought me back. I work very hard to not allow myself to fall into my ego including the magic I experience on my spiritual path and in my spiritual work. Then I had a revelation, maybe I do this too much.

I have felt that I love myself and have done a lot of work around self love over the years. I can look in the mirror and say “I love you.” I feel like I am a good person and in general feel good about myself. I use to hate myself. There was a time when I wanted to kill myself. There were days when I could not look at myself in the mirror. Those days are behind me and I have made great improvement. I realized that, though I have improved by leaps and bounds since then, I have kind of hit a plateau. I got myself to a baseline of self-love. I can see the Divine in me. I can love who I am. I hold it right there. I don’t take in the gratitude and love and support of those around me. I don’t allow myself to see myself through the eyes of all of those around me. I do this for two reasons.

The first reason is the ego issue. My ego will tell me I know better then God or anyone else and convince me to make horrible choices, so I resist it. I also resist pride and in turn my confidence is shaky. When someone experiences a great healing session, or is moved by the words from The Fairies, I don’t take any ownership. I am just the vessel. What I forget is that the vessel is a part of the whole experience. Any caterer can tell you that what you serve the food in can greatly impact how the food tastes. How something is presented effects how people take it in. I am a part of the experience and yet I negate my part.

The second reason is that I have given my power away to others and they have not validated my goodness. Over the years I have let the opinions of family members or friends judge me. For one reason or another I thought that they knew more then me, or had a clearer picture of me, and would let their opinion matter most. I have been dismantling this, especially this last year. Sometimes I have a thought about myself and I have to ask myself if it is my own thought or one that I adapted from another. The really odd thing is I could have dozens of people telling me how great I am but a negative comment from someone I gave my power to would have ten times more weight. Why? Because I had already made the choice that they held the power.

I have made the decision to take my power back and be proud of whom I am. I will take in the compliments, when they come, as truth for me to hold. I will receive with gratitude the love and support from others and the universe. Most of all I will honor my part in all of this creation that is my life. I will no longer love myself at the bare minimum afraid of my ego. I will embrace my magnificence and rise above the petty thoughts of others. I hope that all of you will join me and we can sparkle with the stars together.

Change Your Perspective

In the midst of the recent prophecies and changes (read last week’s blog for more info on this) I am came to a great realization. I was experiencing things from my old perspective that I was no longer aligned with. To get to the beliefs and issues under the current experiences I needed to change my perspective. I find myself since then giving the same speech to every client, friend, and family member. So I have fined tuned it for you.

This week and the challenges you are facing, the experiences you are having, and the feelings you are moving through all have the same purpose; to clean up the details so you can move forward into the powerful reality of 2012 and your path. Many feel like they are once again facing things that they thought they had “moved past” or “healed”. Do not be fooled. These are not the same experiences though they are bringing up the same feelings. Do not look to what you have moved through or learned already. Change your perspective to a different angle. This is the dangling thread that you need to cut to truly move forward. Feel your way through the experience. What do you feel forced to do? What do you believe blocks you? Where is the power? These questions will lead you to the answer of what you need to shift in you to let go.

Last night a friend asked me if the world was coming to an end. The answer is yes, but just the old ways of being in the world. The old ways of experiencing each other. The old ways of thinking about ourselves. So yes the world is coming to an end but just the world as we know it. And I feel fine…..

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com

Reclaiming Self

I started noticing a trend in the sessions I was doing and conversations I was having with family and friends this last week. There seemed to be this energy that was making everyone face old family dynamics, that before they had just accepted, and realize it was time to change them. It seemed like every day I was talking about creating new boundaries in old relationships and changing old “knee jerk” reactions to something from a more aware perspective. A lot of these also had the power of secrets and shame tied up in them. The ultimate shift seems to come from a space of reclaiming a sense of self and being able to stand strong in one ’s self. Since this seems to be an overwhelming universal energy that is present right now I thought I would share some insights from these sessions and conversations.

The family of origin (our original family dynamic) is the base for our experiences of relationships to others, safety, God and the world. So when our experience in this original dynamic has abuse, terror, deep grief, abandonment, neglect, or any other horror that you can think of, we take that in as part of our reality tunnel (the filter in which we view the world from).We then recreate similar experiences in our life because of this trauma that we are carrying.  It isn’t until we ourselves acknowledge and then have another person acknowledge this trauma that we can free ourselves from this re-creating cycle. The problem is that in this healing experience many find the need to cut themselves off from their family to regain their sense of self. This leads to a need to find a new “family” support system and a need to face secrets and shame that have been weighing us down.

We humans need other human interaction scientifically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not talking about a co-dependent need or a feeling of trying to fill ourselves with what we think we lack. I am saying that we as conscious beings use these interactions to grow and feed ourselves on many levels. We are part of an ecosystem called Humanity and to behave as if we are not is detrimental to a person. This need for others is usually fulfilled by tribe which is usually our family. We have been almost brainwashed into the idea that family will love and support us no matter what, even when our experience would be counter to that. So to cut ourselves off from our family of origin, even part of it, can feel detrimental. In some ways it is. It can become a rejection of self, and a way to isolate to protect ourselves. Now I am not endorsing staying in abusive relationships nor am I saying to cut off all of your family. I believe that what a person who is going through this experience needs is support. One of the biggest hurdles to finding support is facing and admitting our secrets and shame.

I cannot tell you how many times people are shocked when I do not react in judgment as they reveal their deepest and darkest secrets. I also cannot explain what is to see all the shame they have been carrying around for decades start to disappear. We all walk around holding secrets and stories that we are sure will lead to instant rejection if we were to tell anyone. So we carry this pain, scared that someone will discover it, and waste energy and time covering it up. The truth is we all have things that have caused us shame. If we could just be brave enough to share it with someone else then we start the healing. Every time someone has been brave enough with me to share, it just endears them to me more. This is a true reclaiming of self. It is these parts that we reject and in turn give others power over us. When the secret becomes more important then your peace, you have lost yourself.

I started this blog by reflecting on this month’s message from The Fairies. It was all about honesty. They said that this month was about being honest with ourselves and others and how difficult that can be. Their closing is perfect for the closing of this blog. “Be ready to rip off the bandages and reveal all the healing and open wounds. See clearly, feel completely, and love it all.” – The Fairies

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com