Wisdom from The Fairies and Me

Posts tagged ‘embracing your broken pieces’

Welcome to the Apocalypse

The word “apocalypse” does not mean the end of the world. The true definition, from its Greek counterpart, is something that has been hidden being revealed. It means a revelation of truth. We are definitely in those times. Those end times. The times when that which has been hidden is being; revealed, underlined, highlighted and marked with a star. Denial is no longer an option. Some people need to leave this planet or this reality to join with the truth. Some people just need to face it and acknowledge it. It seems to me that the keys to our expansion are being handed to us right now. I had a BIG revelation this last weekend as did several of my friends and family. The ideas, relationships, feelings, etc., that had been the proverbial brick wall that we were banging our heads against suddenly became very clear. Instead of beating our brains against it, we were able to step back and look at clearly, as if for the first time. Sometimes clarity can be like a gentle sigh of relief that allows the ropes tied around you to fall away and at others it is the white hot intensity of a million suns melting away the chains you have bound yourself in. Either way the clarity sets you free. It allows you to see where you have punished yourself, shamed yourself, and blamed yourself (or those around you, or the universe). The clarity can feel like it is about other people, events of the past, or the situation we are in, but it is really about how we have lied to ourselves.

The last three months I had been in what felt like a downward spiral. I had lost confidence in myself and my abilities. I had doubt about what I had been doing or where I was “going” in life. I told my husband that I felt like I had spent the last 20 years building Stonehenge by myself. I had been carrying these huge blocks to the right place, carving them, and shaping them and setting them. People would come by and look in awe and say, “Wow that is really amazing. You are doing something really profound.” and then they walk away. I was thinking why the FUCK am I doing this! Is this really doing anything for anybody? More importantly is this really doing anything for me but causing me pain and wearing me out? We all have these dark moments when we need to question what and why we do what we do. It led me to a big “A Ha!” that was actually a few “aha”s put together.  The core of it is this. We are magic. I am magic. You are magic. We have to face our denial and fears so we can let them go and focus back on the magic of who we are. I kept trying to protect those I love from the world. If you asked me I would tell you that I felt safe and on a certain level that was true. I as a singular person felt safe and trusted the Universe to take care of me. I did not trust that those I love would be safe. Some how they needed me to protect them. How arrogant am I? I was interfering with other people’s paths for what I thought was best for them. I thought that I had to take care of them because I couldn’t trust that they were safe in the world. This includes various family members, friends, my husband, and my children. When I clearly got it I saw why I felt so alone. I had not let others in to help. I also had not given myself the space to fall deeper into my “work” by distracting myself with taking care of everyone else. The reason I was losing confidence was because I let others set my standards of success. Also I had ideas about what results I should be getting or how others should be “healing” from my actions with them and it was not manifesting that way. We manifest from what we need. I needed to see how I was interfering with others’ paths to avoid mine.

As we see all that is being revealed, be it personal or global, I hope your clarity feels more like a sigh of relief and you are able to celebrate your new freedom. For inspiration I suggest listening to “I’m Free” by The Soupdragons.

A Little Reminder

Many people start a powerful spiritual path with the idea that everything is now going to be pleasant. That because you are co-creating with God, talking to your guides, choosing the deeper spiritual way that it is smooth sailing from here on out. That the Fairies are going to magic away all of your problems. Then when things aren’t that way they feel like something is going wrong. The path is different for everyone but it seems that everyone has their moments of struggle, of feeling lost, and of doubt. One night when pondering this I wrote the following:

 

I stumble on this path I walk.

Feeling frustrated, broke, lost alone, and tricked again.

I know there is a plan. I created it so long ago,

That I can’t remember the purpose my friend and I had.

I smile at the thought of the moment when it reveals itself like a sudden crash.

It is the bolt of light that illuminates all for an instant.

I have had those blinding moments before.

They are what keep me chasing this storm;

This storm that shakes the old foundations.

This storm that pours refreshing waters almost painfully down on all.

When I feel like it is too hard, wet, and dark; I hear that rumble.

I feel it in my toes and I know the flash is coming.

Then that blinding light hits my soul.

I burst with laughter, reminded of the beauty, and feeling the love for all.

Including the stumbling, broke, lost, and bitter person I am at times.

 

I tell you this to give you hope. If you have times that you want to give up. If you think you have lost faith or don’t believe anymore. It’s okay and it’s normal. Let yourself feel these feelings. It means you are getting to the bottom of your resistance. It means you are close to another break through and you need to get broken down to surrender. Just know that you will then have an amazing experience very soon that will confirm everything for you. We are human beings with lots of feelings. These feelings help us navigate our paths.

The concept of a spiritual path is one that I think gets taken too literally. This is not a path from point A to point B. It is a way to experience life. We are not going anywhere on our spiritual paths. There is nothing to obtain. It seems to me that many keep looking for where “the path” is taking them. It’s like they are expecting some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The path is about stability. A spiritual path, no matter what it is, is the support you turn to, the beliefs that create your life, the magic you can connect with to remind you of the larger whole, and where you receive your guidance day to day. It is about moving through your experiences with grace not achieving something. It is about moving through your emotions to feel with clarity. Stop looking for happiness, success, and love. Stop looking for the new instructions to “lead you in the right direction”. Just be happy. Just be a success. Just be love. Stop “following a spiritual path” and instead feel, hear, see, taste, smell, and be your path.

I LOVE Myself

I am a recovering alcoholic. Today, October 22, 2012 I have 15 years sober. Part of being a recovering alcoholic is that you continue to take moral inventory of yourself and your life. This last week I have spent a lot of time reflecting about my past. I am so grateful for my life today and how amazing it is. I am often humbled by the experiences I have had. I have often said it is my ego that took me on my downward spiral and it was humility that brought me back. I work very hard to not allow myself to fall into my ego including the magic I experience on my spiritual path and in my spiritual work. Then I had a revelation, maybe I do this too much.

I have felt that I love myself and have done a lot of work around self love over the years. I can look in the mirror and say “I love you.” I feel like I am a good person and in general feel good about myself. I use to hate myself. There was a time when I wanted to kill myself. There were days when I could not look at myself in the mirror. Those days are behind me and I have made great improvement. I realized that, though I have improved by leaps and bounds since then, I have kind of hit a plateau. I got myself to a baseline of self-love. I can see the Divine in me. I can love who I am. I hold it right there. I don’t take in the gratitude and love and support of those around me. I don’t allow myself to see myself through the eyes of all of those around me. I do this for two reasons.

The first reason is the ego issue. My ego will tell me I know better then God or anyone else and convince me to make horrible choices, so I resist it. I also resist pride and in turn my confidence is shaky. When someone experiences a great healing session, or is moved by the words from The Fairies, I don’t take any ownership. I am just the vessel. What I forget is that the vessel is a part of the whole experience. Any caterer can tell you that what you serve the food in can greatly impact how the food tastes. How something is presented effects how people take it in. I am a part of the experience and yet I negate my part.

The second reason is that I have given my power away to others and they have not validated my goodness. Over the years I have let the opinions of family members or friends judge me. For one reason or another I thought that they knew more then me, or had a clearer picture of me, and would let their opinion matter most. I have been dismantling this, especially this last year. Sometimes I have a thought about myself and I have to ask myself if it is my own thought or one that I adapted from another. The really odd thing is I could have dozens of people telling me how great I am but a negative comment from someone I gave my power to would have ten times more weight. Why? Because I had already made the choice that they held the power.

I have made the decision to take my power back and be proud of whom I am. I will take in the compliments, when they come, as truth for me to hold. I will receive with gratitude the love and support from others and the universe. Most of all I will honor my part in all of this creation that is my life. I will no longer love myself at the bare minimum afraid of my ego. I will embrace my magnificence and rise above the petty thoughts of others. I hope that all of you will join me and we can sparkle with the stars together.

Strive to be Worth Knowing

I have been feeling a little defeated the last couple of days. Even though the last few months have been the busiest in years, this week has been/is completely dead. Couple this with my husband’s other business being almost completely dead and you get me in money worry and stress. It never fails. Even though I know I am always supported and provided for, I still worry and stress. Then while on Facebook today I started noticing I was not the only one. Many people I know and think are brilliant or talented or wonderful people were expressing their feelings of defeat, or despair, or apathy. I started wondering if everyone had lost their passion. Was there a cosmic joke being played out for all of us to see? Then I started thinking about my fortune cookie last night. It said “Do not worry about being known, strive to be someone worth knowing.” I think too often we worry about how much money or fame or recognition we are getting as a way of measuring our self-worth or success. When I find myself living in my head and feeling this way I do two things. The first is to make a gratitude list. I list all the things I am grateful for in my life. My wonderful family, healthy kids, and even things like internet connection and heat in my house. No matter what there is plenty to be grateful for in every life. The second is reminding myself I don’t know nor have control over the future. I believe in CO-creation. The CO is an important piece. I can shift my feelings, my thoughts, and my vision, but I have to let God, The Fairies, and any other powers that be do their part. So if you are feeling defeated, lost, or passionless listen to what The Fairies told me. “Life will not always be ideal. There will be times when you feel like none of it is worth it anymore. The magic never leaves you. It sometimes pulls away a bit as it builds and then something amazing will happen. This magic that has been building will create a powerful miracle and you will have clarity for a moment. Then you will know where to step next and things will flow again.” – The Fairies

Prophecies and Changes

As we head through the Fall equinox we are also approaching some interesting times of prophecy. One is the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012. I believe the 2012 shift, often based on the Mayan Calendar, is about we, as a society, moving out of fear and greed into a more love based society. I think we have been in this process and the peak of it is the year 2012. There is a Hopi prophecy about four astral bodies causing amazing shifts on our planet. A comet that is being tracked by NASA meets the description of some of this prophecy. The first time we came into alignment with this comet was the day before the Japan earthquake/tsunami. The next time we come into alignment will be Monday. Of course there are many predictions of huge earthquakes and the such, but I don’t want to talk about the fear. I want to share some of my recent experiences, what the fairies have to say, and my insight so far.

The last couple months I have been personally experiencing what I describe as inner upheaval. It is like my guides have decided that I need to move forward now and fast. The monthly messages have been about honesty, releasing, and basically being stripped down another layer to the authentic self. I have been experiencing this in multiple ways. The universe brought me multiple opportunities to see, hear, and feel the places in my relationships where I was not living in my integrity. My biggest lesson in this life seems to be that I need to stop taking responsibility for those around me and focus on what I need to. I can make plenty of excuses of how people need me, can’t do it alone, or have no one else, but that is all a lie. Everyone is as capable as me to take care of themselves. It is my ego wanting to be stroked or my fear that clings to these notions. So, once again I have to shift my focus to myself and my path and draw some boundaries and let go of roles I have played. Some of these have been more difficult then others and I am still in the process. Along with this revelation I was brought another one. It is time for me to focus more on and really claim my channeling work. I have resisted being a channel from the beginning. I love to talk to the Fairies and share their information through writing or in a reading with someone but not in the way of being a direct channel. In 2005 I had the Fairies come and tell me it was time to allow them to speak through me and I have fought it tooth and nail every step of the way. I have done the channeling often since then, but I slow it down and don’t claim it and only really allow it in a certain connection. Well, it is time to surrender and allow them to deepen this connection. After getting myself physically ill and injured, I finally decided to face what I had been running from. I am a Fairy Channeler.

I am sharing all this with you to illustrate what this time of prophecy and change is about. It is time for all of us to step forward and deepen our path. It is time for all of us to peel away another layer towards our authentic self. It is time for Humanity to surrender to the energy that we are a part of. No matter what you do, how you fight it, or what denial you are in, you will still be dragged along. I suggest we all stop fighting. We are here on this Earth in this timeline for a purpose. That purpose is being revealed to us now.

The Fairies wanted me to share this from them. “We are here. Call on us when you feel alone. Call on us when you feel stuck. Call on us when you think you have no hope. We will bring you solutions. We will bring you clarity. We will bring you miracles. They may not be what you think they should look like or what you think you want, but they are exactly what you need. They will fulfill you more then any daydream could. You are safe to step forward and it is time.” – The Fairies

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com

Reclaiming Self

I started noticing a trend in the sessions I was doing and conversations I was having with family and friends this last week. There seemed to be this energy that was making everyone face old family dynamics, that before they had just accepted, and realize it was time to change them. It seemed like every day I was talking about creating new boundaries in old relationships and changing old “knee jerk” reactions to something from a more aware perspective. A lot of these also had the power of secrets and shame tied up in them. The ultimate shift seems to come from a space of reclaiming a sense of self and being able to stand strong in one ’s self. Since this seems to be an overwhelming universal energy that is present right now I thought I would share some insights from these sessions and conversations.

The family of origin (our original family dynamic) is the base for our experiences of relationships to others, safety, God and the world. So when our experience in this original dynamic has abuse, terror, deep grief, abandonment, neglect, or any other horror that you can think of, we take that in as part of our reality tunnel (the filter in which we view the world from).We then recreate similar experiences in our life because of this trauma that we are carrying.  It isn’t until we ourselves acknowledge and then have another person acknowledge this trauma that we can free ourselves from this re-creating cycle. The problem is that in this healing experience many find the need to cut themselves off from their family to regain their sense of self. This leads to a need to find a new “family” support system and a need to face secrets and shame that have been weighing us down.

We humans need other human interaction scientifically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not talking about a co-dependent need or a feeling of trying to fill ourselves with what we think we lack. I am saying that we as conscious beings use these interactions to grow and feed ourselves on many levels. We are part of an ecosystem called Humanity and to behave as if we are not is detrimental to a person. This need for others is usually fulfilled by tribe which is usually our family. We have been almost brainwashed into the idea that family will love and support us no matter what, even when our experience would be counter to that. So to cut ourselves off from our family of origin, even part of it, can feel detrimental. In some ways it is. It can become a rejection of self, and a way to isolate to protect ourselves. Now I am not endorsing staying in abusive relationships nor am I saying to cut off all of your family. I believe that what a person who is going through this experience needs is support. One of the biggest hurdles to finding support is facing and admitting our secrets and shame.

I cannot tell you how many times people are shocked when I do not react in judgment as they reveal their deepest and darkest secrets. I also cannot explain what is to see all the shame they have been carrying around for decades start to disappear. We all walk around holding secrets and stories that we are sure will lead to instant rejection if we were to tell anyone. So we carry this pain, scared that someone will discover it, and waste energy and time covering it up. The truth is we all have things that have caused us shame. If we could just be brave enough to share it with someone else then we start the healing. Every time someone has been brave enough with me to share, it just endears them to me more. This is a true reclaiming of self. It is these parts that we reject and in turn give others power over us. When the secret becomes more important then your peace, you have lost yourself.

I started this blog by reflecting on this month’s message from The Fairies. It was all about honesty. They said that this month was about being honest with ourselves and others and how difficult that can be. Their closing is perfect for the closing of this blog. “Be ready to rip off the bandages and reveal all the healing and open wounds. See clearly, feel completely, and love it all.” – The Fairies

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find the monthly message from The Fairies and much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com

Message from Shadow Walker

I have been experiencing this chaotic, intense energy that seems to have wrapped itself around the world. Here in the US we are having congress in conflict and it attracted a lot of focus in our nation. On a personal level it seems like everyday I hear of another person dying or going into the hospital. I continuously feel like I am getting messages for myself but they are coming through garbled and unclear. It appears we are in another one of those gateway points and it seems we have a few weeks before it lets up. When I try to get clarity about the energy that is so present The Fairies just say to surrender, relax, and accept. Yes, easier said then done. During a Channeling with a friend recently I connected with a Fairy that was a very unique energy. I knew that today I needed to connect with her and get a message. Shadow Walker appeared like before; her skin pale and almost like a salamanders, her hair white with streaks of gray and bits of earth, her form is human but her eyes and mouth remind me of amphibians I have seen. She slinks forward, moving like a low crawling fog. I ask for a message.

“As I said before, I like to spend time in the shadows, playing with the creepy crawlies. Often when a human looks under a leaf or in a log they yell out in surprise and fear. This is silly since these creatures are some of the most gentle and peaceful creatures you can find. You humans fear what lurks in the shadows, what you deem lowly or ugly. You do your best to cover up or deny what bugs you. This time is one for all the ugliness to surface. What you have been sweeping under a rug and want to act like it’s not there is now too big to ignore. Try to not look at it with judgment of yourself, others, or the situation itself. Accept what has been there all along for exactly what it is. This will help guide you to a solution or at least bring you peace. It is always grounding to get down with some beetles and worms see life from another perspective.”

I thanked her and came back to this realm.

If something you have read touches you please share and or comment below. You can also find much more at my website:

http://www.theexpandedgateway.com