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I have finally integrated my site and my blog. I will no longer be posting here. If you would like to follow me still then please visit at theexpandedgateway.com
In December of of 2012 my grandfather went into the hospital and it did not appear he was going to get out. On Christmas day my 4 year old went head first into the corner of a table and had to be rushed to the ER for 8 stitches. After a lot of back and forth my grandfather died in April. This event had me return to my home town which I had not been to in almost 20 years and be my true self for all of them to see. Then, just as I thought I had found my footing, two weeks ago I felt the rug being pulled out from under me again. My mother; who is in her late fifties, an amazing lightworker, intuitive, and what seemed good health, was rushed to the hospital and nearly died twice while she was there. After 10 days in the hospital and a few days home she is what I would call stable. In all of these events I have chosen to work less and added more strain to the already tight financial situation of my family. I don’t tell you all of this to gain pity or ask for help. I want you to have a clear perspective for what I am about to tell you.
We are all Divine. Everyone of us. We chose to be here and be Human in this timeline and in this life. It does not matter how talented of an energy worker you are, or how intuitive you are, or if you can talk to the beautiful beings that assist us. You will not be excused from challenges and opportunities for growth. You are still a part of the Human experience. Walking a spiritual path is not a promise of absolute bliss. It is merely a promise that you will have the tools to handle the opportunities when they present themselves. This year has been full of amazing opportunities for me to let go of control, surrender, accept, and trust. These are often my lesson. We are Humans. This means we will have vices to struggle with, physical challenges to face, and overwhelming emotions at times. All these moments give us a choice to be in fear or be in love. There is no wrong choice; just different experiences.
We can talk about the astrological portals we have been in, or the universal energy we are moving through, but no matter what it is I see many struggling right now. So I want to say to you it is okay. It is just life. You do not need to be perfect or have the answers. You are still a Divine spark on this planet. Whatever is happening in your life right at this moment is Divine and moving you into a greater understanding of yourself, your path, and your life. Please be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself and others for any actions of fear and hurt. Then take all this wisdom you have gained to make your next step. Even if you don’t know what it is. Open to the Universe and trust where it is taking you. It will exceed your expectations. I know there are moments when it feels scary. You may feel like you have no power in your life and you are a victim to circumstance or others. You have the power of choice. In this moment choose to align with the Divine and be guided. Choose to expand your heart till you can see every situation with love. Choose to surrender to the path you have already chosen even if it doesn’t look the way you thought it would. The Fairies are with you cheering you on, and so am I.
Tonight we experienced the Super full moon and lunar eclipse. This means the moon is the closest it can be to the Earth and it is full, being the biggest and brightest it can be at this time. We also had a lunar eclipse. As you can imagine this creates a powerful magical time. I woke up with a headache this morning and most psychic aware people I talked to experienced the same thing. There was a lot of activity happening around us and within us today as we shift on a cellular level. We are always changing and shifting but occasionally we have these windows of time that allow for that leap forward. This is one of those times. Tonight as the full moon was peaking my headache got worse. When I asked what I could do to help myself the Fairies said “Listen”. There was a message bursting to come out. Below you will find this message.
“Clarity, release, and transformation; these events can be simultaneously painful, exhausting, invigorating, and blissfully freeing. This bright full moon is a spotlight on all your relationships, be it with other beings, things, or with yourself. It is showing you all the cracks in your foundation, and all the hazards that are on your path. It is also showing you all the beauty, colors, pleasures, and rainbows that dance through your world. The clarity can be hurting your eyes but it is needed and will dim soon. It is with this clarity that you see all that needs to be released. You are in the middle of a house clearing, both inner and outer. The eclipse makes all that has been hiding in the shadows, in the far corners of your life, come into vision. It is time to release the behaviors that hold you back and create struggle. It is time to let those relationships that just drain you fall away. It is time to stop just checking off your to do list and instead look at the choice of each ‘should’ and ‘have to’ and where those choices are leading you. This release creates room for the transformation. When a snake sheds its skin or a caterpillar turns to a butterfly they know a very important trick; you have to rest in between each step. Clarity, rest, release, rest, transform, rest, step forward, rest. Rest does not mean you have to stop and be absolutely still, though it may be good for you to do that too. Rest can be play, which rests the spirit. Rest can be a resting of the mind and the constant running you are doing in there. Rest can be laughing till you cry or crying till you laugh. Rest could mean letting yourself off the hook for something you are ‘suppose to’ do and instead taking the ‘easy way’ or shortcut. You do not just have permission to rest but it is a mandatory requirement for your soul’s evolution. We Fairies love you!! You will burn brightly as this full moon and cover the Earth with your beauty. We are here holding up mirrors for you to see your life and yourself clearly. It is beautiful.” ~ The Fairies
To learn more about Elizabeth Saenz and the one on one sessions she has available visit her site here: http://www.theexpandedgateway.com/sessions_and_healers/elizabeth_saenz_bio_and_sessions
To learn more about the Fairy books and oracle deck she created visit this page of her site: http://www.theexpandedgateway.com/the_expanded_gateway_products
In my adventurous life I have had another epiphany. I can ask for help from actual people. This is a revolutionary concept, I know. The hard work of creating a life full of wonderful meaningful relationships is done. I don’t have people in my life unless there is connection, love, and respect there. Yet, when I get into a stuck place, a hard place, or a challenge, I don’t ask for help. I ask God, my guides, the powers that be, but not those who love and support me here in the physical world. This week has been my wake-up call. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t trust those around me; a time when I was on a self-destructing path and attracted similar people to me. That time is in the past but I was still operating as if I had to do it all alone. I felt ashamed that I would need someone else. This is connected to my feelings of making a mistake. My internal drive for perfection was a safe guard to protect me from having to rely on others. In the past when I relied on others it lead to disappointment. I had to talk myself into looking at my life differently. I started thinking about my relationships and how amazing they were. The out pouring of love and support that I have allowed myself to finally take in has been overwhelming. As a good friend of mine and I joke about, we have a low joy tolerance and can only let in so much.
I truly appreciate everyone in life, including all of you who read my blogs, interact with my Facebook page, clients, friends, and family. My life is so blessed I forget that it is okay for me to ask for more if I need it. I can be human, weak, and vulnerable. The people in my life all have their own strengths and would gladly use those strengths for my benefit in the same way I use mine for their benefit. I hope this blog helps someone else who may be trying to go it alone to ask for help. If it feels scary, think of someone you would help no matter what and ask them. I am sure they will feel the same way about you. It is safe for us to open and receive love continuously. Let it in.
In my adult life I have lived out of a car, couch surfed, been served numerous 3 day pay or quit notices, had checking accounts closed on me, and many other fiscal crashes. Yet, with each experience I receive solutions, wisdom, and move forward on to my next step. Learning to trust and surrender has been my cycles, theme song, and mantra. As many of you know my grandfather passed away last month this led to me not really working much. Then my book that launched was not as successful as I had hoped. So, once again I face another financial crisis. This morning I went into meditation to gain guidance and wisdom. I connected and then realized I didn’t know what to ask. I heard a voice say “What do you want to know?”
I then had to think. What did I want to know?! I just wanted to know the solution. I then realized I knew there was a solution. I trusted the Divineness of this experience. I know that even though I don’t know why this is once again my experience, there is a reason for it. This experience is part of my highest and best, even if I can’t see it or don’t like it. I actually do trust! This was a wonderful realization. I was also in the act of surrender I just needed to be more conscious of it. My natural instinct to resist has finally been shifted to that of trust, but mentally I thought I was acting in the old behavior. So, even though I trusted and was in the process of surrendering I still wanted to know. I still wanted that false sense of security. I share this for you to know that every challenge you are facing right now no matter the situation; money, relationships, changing careers, moving, etc., you can trust it is perfect for your path. It can be scary, but the more times we push through our fear and make ourselves trust it builds a trust in us. The more times we can accept our experience as divine the faster the solution can come.
So, today I open to this experience, knowing that it will lead me to my highest and best and the only way forward is through it. I don’t have to enjoy it, but I can. I can feel scared, stressed, and worried, but it will not stop the solution that is already on its way to me.
This last week my grandfather passed away. He was 91. I can’t think about him without thinking about oranges. He had been orange grower for Sunkist, growing, mainly, Navel Oranges down in Talure County, California (where I was born). I grew up eating oranges at the peak of season fresh from the tree. My friends here in Washington laugh at me because I can’t eat a store bought orange. For the first decade of my life I had never tasted anything but fresh picked from the tree. The memory of that taste, the sweetness, lives in me. It is a part of my being. I can bring the flavor to the tip of my tongue with just a thought. Oranges are in my blood.
My grandfather was like an orange. He had a thick skin that could be hard to initially get underneath of and when you did you would find some bitter parts, but there was sweetness there. As his granddaughter I experienced more of that sweetness then others. That sweetness, like the sweetness of the orange, lives in me still. I can close my eyes and be back on his porch on a hot summer night eating Klondike bars. In a moment I can be giggling at the time he couldn’t read the words on the Password board game and we all starting laughing so hard we couldn’t finish the game. In a breath I can transport myself and be back standing in his grove picking oranges.
When someone passes, or a relationship ends, we are confronted with many aspects of our relationship with them as well as the many aspects of who the person was. It is natural to go through levels of shock, anger, and sadness. It is normal to dig up old resentments and bitter memories. But the final step is to release these layers you have peeled back to find the sweet wedges of the relationship. You can always find the gifts that a person has brought you while they were in your life.
Tonight I sit and enjoy the sweet wedges of my relationship to my grandfather and release the bitter peelings they were wrapped in. Tonight I enjoy my Grandfather the orange.
I had an epiphany a few days ago about the last five to six years of my life. I had a moment five and a half years ago when I realized my marriage had fallen apart and it was time for me to leave it. I had been with my then husband for almost 10 years and we had two children. This moment was both freeing and terrifying. The events that unfurled from that moment over the last almost six years have left me completely changed. Every time I thought I knew why something was happening or where I was going the path seemed to dissolve in front of me. Once I surrendered the next step would reveal itself and I would start trying to figure it out again and then have it dissolve again. I had perceived this as my struggle with ego and confidence or control and surrender. In some ways it was that but it was also my fear. I have a fear of being myself and claiming my life. Many would think I do that. I seem strong, resilient, stubborn, and intense. I am all those things but I am also afraid. I fear success as much as I fear failure. Mostly I am afraid of the unknown. The true clarity of this came to me last week, not as a thought but as a feeling. Often my greatest epiphanies come to me as feelings not rational thoughts. This feeling was trust. If I could just trust I wouldn’t have to be afraid. I had to trust my body, my universe, my family, my friends, the environment, my government, and especially my guides. There was a time I had felt this. I was very young. When I was 4 I was invincible. My 4 year old self would take on the world. Slowly I started to lose that trust. People betrayed me, I was hurt, and life happened. I experienced a lot of challenges in a very short time. By the time I was 18 I felt pretty broken but I stilled trusted some things. I had put a lot of faith in love. If I couldn’t trust my heart and love, what could I trust? Well, my first husband help shatter that too. The funny thing is the last five years, in which I have felt the most alone and broken, has been my rebuilding of trust. I now trust myself, my gut, and my intuition more profoundly then I ever thought I could, AND I know that this will only deepen.
I could spend my day freaking out about my finances and how there isn’t enough to cover my bills. I could choose to stress over any issues I perceive my children to be experiencing, or over the way my ex-husband is behaving, or what someone else did. I could beat myself over my weight or my health or worry about my grandfather who keeps dancing on the edge of death and health. I could get so angry about my husband and the fact that he didn’t do the dishes or the laundry. I could cry victim and blame the world for my choices. Believe me, I could do all these things and do them so magnificently you stood there in awe. Today I choose differently. I choose to trust. I trust that when I feel the struggle and things don’t go as I wish it is still for my highest and best; that, no matter what, my reality is being created to fulfill me.
We all have challenges in our lives. Everyone knows this but it is hard to always feel it. We can sit there and assume everyone else is feeling free, having fun, secure, happy, rich, healthy, and fully enlightened, but that is not the truth. That is our fear screaming inside us to break our trust. When we have an experience of the mind comparing our hurt to someone else’s appearance then our fear is working to separate us. When we are separate then we do not trust. I invite you to trust right now. Trust that you are lovable right now as you are. Trust that your body is perfect and any dis-ease you are experiencing is there to open communication with you and your body. Trust that your finances are an ever changing flow and there will always be more and there will be times of less. Trust that the Universe is conspiring for your highest good, your greatest joy, and your deepest experiences. Any pain you are experience is there to remind you to open, release, and receive more love. Trust in yourself.